What I’ve Learned About Intimate Relationships & Marriage

Late Valentines Day post

Love is a powerful word. In my opinion, it’s used too loosely. Love is bound by claiming someone as their possession, a love for material things that can never feel emotion, or loving someone who simply in return doesn’t love us back.

One of the best things that has happened to me is making the choice to be a single woman. Yes, life can be challenging occasionally, but being single is worth every moment until I’m blessed with a kindred spirit who loves me, accepts me & vice versa. I remember years ago, when I was in my early 20s, an older gentlemen expressed the importance of how women should remain single until they reach fulfillment in their lives. Fulfillment as in realizing the greatness we possess as women. The Goddess we truly are and who we were created to be. At that time, I didn’t understand what we meant by this, but over the years as I grew more intellectual, I appreciate his words of integrity and encouragement. He clearly knew something I didn’t know back then. I’m just grateful I now know who I am and the power I possess.

You see, we’ve been conditioned to search for our other “half” as if we aren’t enough already. We’re taught to go search for the things we already have within us. Many times, it’s easy to believe it takes someone else to make us happy and help fulfill our needs. In reality, it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to make us happy.

I was in a relationship with my ex for five years. Some days he was unhappy & I did everything I could to try to make him happy. I failed every time. If our kids were not in the best mood, I would try to lift their spirits & guess what? I failed again. The end result of trying to make someone else happy was me feeling down, because I became unhappy pouring my all into others. When I had low energy & felt similar to him, he would try to make me happy and help me in the same ways I tried to help him. He failed in the same ways I failed. We eventually found a sense of fulfillment when we focused on our own individual needs. We had to learn how to feel the gap as the whole spirit we are, and not the halves we were conditioned to believe we were.

You are a whole phenomenal person

Society says we’re only halves, because we aren’t suppose to realize our true potential. So our world has always been designed to always feel incomplete. Never spend your time looking for your better ‘half,’ because that’s accepting failure within yourself. You are a whole phenomenal being and your purpose is more than being a piece for someone else.

It’s your job to make YOU happy

Like I mentioned above, it’s your responsibility to fulfill yourself. Its your responsibility to fill whatever empty void you may feel. You are worthy of happiness and being your best self. Your cup should be overflowing with love, joy, peace, happiness, creativity, and adventure in an abundance. Now imagine if you’re living your best life & you attract a mate who’s achieving the same success? Now that’s a power couple! ❤

You can only control yourself. Focus on that.

I’ve seen relationships & marriages where there’s a sense of control. After being engaged and spending my adult life of 11 years in long term relationships, I believe this with all my heart. Love comes from accepting the other person for who they are. Not trying to change them, monitor them, control them, alienate them from others, or demand submissiveness when they are naturally out the box. Love comes from accepting & not changing someone. It’s either you can accept that persons’ way of life or you can’t. They choice is yours! Trying to change someone or make a relationship more difficult than it has to be based on what everyone else says is acceptable is insane.

Titles should not define you or your relationship.

This is a tricky one. When I say this, I simply mean one thing. People change who they are based on what society says the title should be. For instance, if I was in a serious relationship with my significant other, should I be a wife now or in the future after we get married? If he loves me as the wonderful woman I am right now, why would I need to change based on titles or feel more significant after we’re married? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard a husband or wife say, “everything changed once we got married.” And when this is said, it’s never a good thing. The conversation always end with, “we’re working on it!” This is clearly, because people feel the titles have changed so does the expectations. But what happened to that beautiful person you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Never get caught up in titles. If you have 100% before marriage give the same effort in the marriage. You have your whole lives to be great together.

I love elder couples, because they keep it 1000%

If I get married, I want that old relationship from the beginning. Every elder I know who has been married 30+ years (especially those couples who’s been married 50+ years) they have the best relationships! They have a sense of respect for one another that is unbreakable. The beauty is they are clearly their own individual person. The husband lives his life, & the wife lives her life. They meet in the middle when necessary. She doesn’t skip a beat or miss out on any opportunities for him & it’s the same on his end. They are literally two whole individuals who chose to spend their life together. Imagine if more couples just were their selves and lived in their truth. There would be less divorce & more solid marriages.

I remember the saying, if you believe the rose is beautiful leave it alone. Leave it so it can live a full live in its beauty. This is the same when it comes to humanity. Love isn’t claiming territory. A mate is only yours to enjoy for the amount of time on this earth. Cherish it and enjoy every moment. Love people for who they are.

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